5 Things We Learned from This Week's Primary Elections

Tuesday's primary elections delivered some notable results across the country. Here are five things we learned this week that are worth pondering as the midterms approach:

1) Trump runs the GOP (but the Jews run the world)

Rep. Thomas Massie (R., Ky.) deserved to lose his primary race against Ed Gallrein, a former Navy SEAL backed by Donald Trump. The president described Massie, who courted the support of Tucker Carlson and other antisemitic activists, as a "complete and total disaster as a congressman and, frankly, as a human being." Massie proved him right by ranting bitterly after the race was called, telling supporters his concession speech was delayed because "it took a while to find Ed Gallrein in Tel Aviv."

Trump asserted his dominance over the GOP by purging another obnoxious crank. Massie will soon join Marjorie Taylor Greene on the neo-Nazi, pro-Hamas podcast circuit—and, ultimately, the ash heap of history. Meanwhile, Democrats in Philadelphia nominated Chris Rabb, the Israel-obsessed congressional candidate backed by "Squad" members Ilhan Omar (D., Minn.) and Rashida Tlaib (D., Mich.), as well as Hasan Piker, the U.S.-based anti-American influencer. Piker celebrated Rabb's victory and fumed that Massie's defeat had cemented the GOP as a "pro israel cult" led by a "servant of israel."

Next week, Democrats in San Antonio will have the opportunity to nominate Maureen Galindo, a sex therapist who has called for the imprisonment and "castration" of "American Zionists." Piker hasn't endorsed Galindo (yet), but has expressed interest in her candidacy and said he was "monitoring" the race "from afar."

2) Rand Paul is still a U.S. Senator (who knew?) 

Massie lost despite being endorsed by his political mentor Rand Paul (R., Ky.), whom many will be surprised to learn is still a sitting U.S. Senator. Paul, who appears to have made peace with Trump after getting thoroughly embarrassed in the 2016 primary, declined to comment on his acolyte's defeat while wearing shorts at the congressional picnic at the White House. He'll be up for reelection again in 2028.

3) Reports of Democratic competence have been greatly exaggerated

Democrats have been winning a lot of state-level races in purple states, but they failed to unseat two GOP-appointed incumbents on the Georgia Supreme Court. Despite millions of dollars in advertising, favorable turnout, and endorsements from Barack Obama and Kamala Harris, Democratic challengers Miracle Rankin and Jen Jordan came up short.

Observers noted that Rankin, who lost by just 2 percentage points, significantly outperformed Jordan on the ballot—a disparity best explained by the fact that thousands of Democrats didn't know who they were voting for and were just guessing based on "which name sounds black."

4) Even filthy hippies hate taxes

Voters in deep-blue Oregon overwhelmingly rejected a ballot measure that would have raised the gasoline tax, doubled the state's payroll tax, and hiked car registration and title fees. More than 83 percent of voters opposed the measure, but if Democrats had gotten their way, they never would have had a choice.

Gov. Tina Kotek (D.) and the Democratic-led state government had already approved the tax hikes as a "temporary" measure in 2025. Opponents of the new taxes, led by GOP lawmaker Ed Diehl, fought back by gathering enough signatures to force a referendum.

At some point, the residents of these one-party blue states might realize that if they don't like Democratic policies—raising taxes to pay for stuff that doesn't work, then blaming "lack of funding" to justify more tax hikes—they should stop voting for Democrats. It's that simple.

5) McConnell goes out on his terms, cementing GOAT status

Longtime Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell (R., Ky.) once again demonstrated his mastery of the political process by leading (from behind) his chosen successor to victory in the GOP primary. Rep. Andy Barr (R., Ky.) handily defeated former state attorney general Daniel Cameron—two former McConnell interns with strong ties to his formidable political operation.

Nate Morris, meanwhile, wasn't even on the ballot. The former waste management executive had also interned for McConnell, but had drawn support from unsavory anti-McConnell factions. Morris denounced his former boss as a "decrepit old mob boss" and vowed to "trash" his legacy in the Senate. As he always does, McConnell got the last laugh earlier this month when Donald Trump endorsed Barr and asked Morris to drop out. Morris complied and promptly endorsed Barr as well.

McConnell is one of the greatest to ever play the game. Chuck Schumer (D., N.Y.), on the other hand, is not. It will be fun watching him try to handpick a successor in Mamdani's New York. He'll be lucky to survive a primary challenge in 2028.

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